HOLIDAY PARADE

Greetings and Happy Holidays (uhhh clichÈeeeeeee! sorry bout that one…:-/)!

Yo so now that we are on buzznet, I just thought what the heck I’ll write something. So here’s the topic of the day. The Golden Compass. Oh and also Rhode Island definitely not being a road nor an island… but we will get to that. Maybe. Ok so back to the Golden Compass. There is apparently sooo much controversy about whether or not this movie is taking shots at religion or more specifically Christianity, but hey, I’m not here to talk about that today. You guys will have to go without my infinite wisdom on that subject and make your minds up about all that jazz yourselves. I believe in you. What I really want to say is that I thought the movie was lame. Yep, I said it.

Nicole Kidman, what on God’s green parallel universe were you thinking? First, I’m not even sure it was her in the movie cause all I saw was a dizzying blur of gold, which was supposed to be her character, I think. But that aside, if it is her, laaaammmmmmeeeeeee Nicole! I don’t think its your fault though; they probably told you the movie was going to be scrait illin’ (which it kinda was with all the gold she was wearing), so I understand. As for the little girl actress, she was no Dakota Fanning, but her acting could semi-interest me in not falling asleep. But how typical and recycled is the story: “Oh I know what we can do, we can have this main character who thinks they are an orphan but later finds out that the enemy is actually their parent. Perfect!” Wow, I can feel the Force from here.

Oh, and did anyone else notice that Gandalf is now a Polar Bear? Yes folks, Ian McKellen is the voice of the dethroned Bear King… er… yes… Bear King.

Now don’t get me wrong, I usually love epic movies. Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter… love em all. But the Golden Compass seemed like “Hey we can take all of everyone else’s previous ideas for epics and put em in a hat, and then use the ones we pick out in a not-even-as-good-as-a-bad-back-massage kinda way!”

Ok so maybe I’m being a little hard on the movie, but if you are gonna spend $200 million on a film, maaaaaaybe you should do something worth seeing. Ouch, too harsh again. Sorry. Um, Valient effort Chris Weitz (director), better luck next time? That was a bit nicer.

Soooooo, does anyone agree with me? Disagree? Think I am the lame one for spending time actually writing about this movie? Lemme know… or just send a magical talking Polar Bear to my house to challenge me to one-on-one combat. (yeah it’s in the movie, that part was kinda cool… if you like watching those parts of video games that tells the background story, I know I do, cause those are kinda what the graphics in the movie are like.)  :)

-Michael